Monday | 16 March 2026
A fundamental communicative flaw in most marriages is the unwillingness of a spouse, particularly a wife, to ask, or make a request, in relation to a need. Rather than asking, a woman will hint or comment in relation to a matter with the expectation that her husband will register the need and respond with due care. The reticence to ask of her husband is an implication of the romantic expectations associated with a self-centred marriage covenant. Her desire is for her husband to be aware of her needs, or the needs of the house, and to act accordingly. She views this as a measure of his love for her and of the integrity of their relationship. His failure to act, or the need to ask, is because his focus is elsewhere, provoking a jealous response.
The primary illustration of this dynamic in a marriage is provided by the ‘marriage’ of Christ and the Israelites, following their exodus from Egypt. Stephen described this company as ‘the church in the wilderness’, and the prophets identified them as an adulterous wife. Act 7:38. Amo 3:1-3. Hos 2:2. We know that during the course of their journey from Egypt to the promised land, the Israelites grumbled and complained incessantly. However, there is not a single record of a request that was made to God in relation to their needs. We see that the hints and suggestions, presented as an alternative to asking, are a form of complaint and discontent.
James, the brother of Jesus, noted this principle, writing, ‘Where do wars and fights come from among you [including in your marriages]? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? … You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.’ Jas 4:1-3. Of course, James’ statement reveals that some people do ask of others and of the Lord, but the basis of these requests are the desires of the flesh.
Further Study:
James 1
References:
Act 7:38
This is he who was in the congregation in the wilderness with the Angel who spoke to him on Mount Sinai, and with our fathers, the one who received the living oracles to give to us.
Amo 3:1-3
Hear this word that the LORD has spoken against you, O children of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying, ‘You only have I known of all the families of the earth; therefore, I will punish you for all your iniquities.’ Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
Hos 2:2
Bring charges against your mother, bring charges; for she is not My wife, nor am I her Husband! Let her put away her harlotries from her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts.
Jas 4:1-3
Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet, you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.